When I was growing up, my mother drummed the idea of abstinence into me. My aunts repeated her nagging. My teachers talked about it often. Even the movies promoted it. Woe betide any one who did not practice abstinence. They all came to a rotten end.
Many years later, I too preach abstinence to my children. And wonders never cease – we still remain friends, even on Facebook. Some of their teachers support this, and certainly the church tries. But the media paints an entirely different picture. It is entirely more cool and with it not to practice abstinence. Anyone who preaches it has to be a fuddy duddy fundie, one who is completely out of touch with the modern world.
So while I have no details, I was quite pleasantly surprised to read that MOE is going to include this archaic concept into their new sex-ed programme. Contraception apparaently will be taught but abstinence too will be emphasized. Good for you MOE.
The world has indeed changed. Sit coms make sexual relationships look funny, warm and inclusive. The hit comedy series, “Friends” sold the concept that changing partners amongst friends is funny ha-ha…and not emo sob-sob. Sex is just a part of life – a fun part of life – so relax – don’t make such a fuss over it.
The inconsistency with reality is quite stark. I never understood how a society that took sexual dalliance so lightly could be so harsh when President Clinton was found to have had sexual episodes outside of marriage. Why are politicians judged to be morally inappropriate for office if they have been found to be unfaithful to their spouses? Can anyone explain why for every couple who are open to their partners having sex with others, many more are hurt if this were to happen to them? Infidelity is one of the most hurtful events in a relationship.
Yes I am a Christian. And yes, my religion advocates abstinence. But my mother was not, and neither were my aunts. And if I were not Christian, I would still advocate abstinence. I don’t care if you judge me as conservative, fuddy duddy and out of touch with the modern world.
Abstinence is a virtue, and like all things virtuous, has to be taught. Abstinence is tough to practice in this modern world, and that makes it even more important for parents and teachers alike to strengthen our children’s resolve to practice it.
Why abstinence? Apart from the fact that “safe” sex is a misnomer, abstinence is about self worth and value. It is about respecting self and one’s eventual partner. The progression of abstinence is fidelity. Fidelity is one of the key threads in the maintenance of a stable social fabric.
There is something about infidelity that tears people apart. The hurt that it causes is immense. The sense of betrayal, the loss of trust and the feelings of rejection often break a family up. The ones most hurt tend to be the children. In all my years as a teacher, I have found that children who come from homes where parents are divorced or are in the process of getting a divorce, tend to suffer depression themselves. Many think somehow they are to be blamed for their parents failure to stay together.
Recently there is a spate of articles reporting incestuous relationships between siblings – the siblings were totally unaware that they were related. With multiple relationships and separations, with children borne from different sexual partners, this is becoming an issue of concern, and perhaps is the most extreme “proof” that fidelity is important.
In today’s world, we are so focused on our own rights, our own happiness. We have lost sight that we are part of a bigger whole, and that it is not always only about us. Take divorce for instance. No matter how hurt you have been, getting a divorce may mean liberation to you, but it will bring anguish to others whom you purport to love – the children, the parents. Infidelity is on the rise. Many get into adulterous relationships for frivolous reasons, often without fully counting the cost. The result often is so much pain and hurt. It also results in a society that is made up of very broken individuals and homes.. If one were to learn to stop, to say no to our own desires, to start to think about the other, very important people in our lives, perhaps many tragedies could have been prevented. (note I am generalizing here…there are instances where divorce is more than justified)
To me, teaching abstinence helps teach self control. It teaches the important role sex plays in a relationship. Trust me, it is easy to learn about contraception and “safe” sex. It is much harder to say no to inappropriate relationships.
And no, I do not condemn those who do not practice abstinence, especially if you have reached adulthood. In fact, in this day and age, more people will laugh at you if you choose to abstain than otherwise. Hence abstinence has to be taught – it is a far harder choice to make
