When I was growing up, my mother drummed the idea of abstinence into me. My aunts repeated her nagging. My teachers talked about it often. Even the movies promoted it. Woe betide any one who did not practice abstinence. They all came to a rotten end.
Many years later, I too preach abstinence to my children. And wonders never cease – we still remain friends, even on Facebook. Some of their teachers support this, and certainly the church tries. But the media paints an entirely different picture. It is entirely more cool and with it not to practice abstinence. Anyone who preaches it has to be a fuddy duddy fundie, one who is completely out of touch with the modern world.
So while I have no details, I was quite pleasantly surprised to read that MOE is going to include this archaic concept into their new sex-ed programme. Contraception apparaently will be taught but abstinence too will be emphasized. Good for you MOE.
The world has indeed changed. Sit coms make sexual relationships look funny, warm and inclusive. The hit comedy series, “Friends” sold the concept that changing partners amongst friends is funny ha-ha…and not emo sob-sob. Sex is just a part of life – a fun part of life – so relax – don’t make such a fuss over it.
The inconsistency with reality is quite stark. I never understood how a society that took sexual dalliance so lightly could be so harsh when President Clinton was found to have had sexual episodes outside of marriage. Why are politicians judged to be morally inappropriate for office if they have been found to be unfaithful to their spouses? Can anyone explain why for every couple who are open to their partners having sex with others, many more are hurt if this were to happen to them? Infidelity is one of the most hurtful events in a relationship.
Yes I am a Christian. And yes, my religion advocates abstinence. But my mother was not, and neither were my aunts. And if I were not Christian, I would still advocate abstinence. I don’t care if you judge me as conservative, fuddy duddy and out of touch with the modern world.
Abstinence is a virtue, and like all things virtuous, has to be taught. Abstinence is tough to practice in this modern world, and that makes it even more important for parents and teachers alike to strengthen our children’s resolve to practice it.
Why abstinence? Apart from the fact that “safe” sex is a misnomer, abstinence is about self worth and value. It is about respecting self and one’s eventual partner. The progression of abstinence is fidelity. Fidelity is one of the key threads in the maintenance of a stable social fabric.
There is something about infidelity that tears people apart. The hurt that it causes is immense. The sense of betrayal, the loss of trust and the feelings of rejection often break a family up. The ones most hurt tend to be the children. In all my years as a teacher, I have found that children who come from homes where parents are divorced or are in the process of getting a divorce, tend to suffer depression themselves. Many think somehow they are to be blamed for their parents failure to stay together.
Recently there is a spate of articles reporting incestuous relationships between siblings – the siblings were totally unaware that they were related. With multiple relationships and separations, with children borne from different sexual partners, this is becoming an issue of concern, and perhaps is the most extreme “proof” that fidelity is important.
In today’s world, we are so focused on our own rights, our own happiness. We have lost sight that we are part of a bigger whole, and that it is not always only about us. Take divorce for instance. No matter how hurt you have been, getting a divorce may mean liberation to you, but it will bring anguish to others whom you purport to love – the children, the parents. Infidelity is on the rise. Many get into adulterous relationships for frivolous reasons, often without fully counting the cost. The result often is so much pain and hurt. It also results in a society that is made up of very broken individuals and homes.. If one were to learn to stop, to say no to our own desires, to start to think about the other, very important people in our lives, perhaps many tragedies could have been prevented. (note I am generalizing here…there are instances where divorce is more than justified)
To me, teaching abstinence helps teach self control. It teaches the important role sex plays in a relationship. Trust me, it is easy to learn about contraception and “safe” sex. It is much harder to say no to inappropriate relationships.
And no, I do not condemn those who do not practice abstinence, especially if you have reached adulthood. In fact, in this day and age, more people will laugh at you if you choose to abstain than otherwise. Hence abstinence has to be taught – it is a far harder choice to make
Remember the Sabbath- you know what it’s like to be a foreigner
Don’t take advantage of a stranger. You know what it’s like to be a stranger; you were strangers in Egypt. Exodus 23:9
My husband and I understand what it feels like to be a foreigner. For years, Alan had to work overseas. Some years, he travelled a lot. Other years, he was posted overseas. Local companies tend not to give a family package, so often he had to stay alone for months on end in a foreign land. In the last position, because the children were old enough, I went over to join him. We were in Rwanda, where there were very, very few Singaporeans – probably less than 10 at best, and currently probably less 
than 5.
While we made some really good friends, there was always a hunger for things local – even someone speaking Singlish was a welcome change. Whenever Singaporeans came over for a trade mission, we were sure to meet up. For us, even though internet connections were not the best, we could still chat with the children. When the going got too tough, Alan took leave, paid for our air tickets and came home. At least we had some options.
The foreign domestic worker has no such option. She cannot afford to fly home, no matter how homesick, unless the contract is up. Her well-being is really dependent on the goodwill of her employer.
I hear the concerns of the employers – and I know for a fact that they are not unjustified. I also like the comment of one of my friends. He said “most people are not psychologically and emotionally equipped to be employers” and “we try to equip the maids with various skills, but do we also at the same time also equip employers with HR skills”. Another said this, “Seeing each other all the time can be very grating. Not only does the maid need an off day (as a human being, she also has her social needs and hanging out with us all the time probably isn’t going to cut it!), we also need our private time as a family”
Let me get the security bond issue out of the way first. In actuality, unless you allow or worse still, profit from deploying your maid to work at other places, this is a non-issue. Most employers buy insurance on the bond, and in the event the maid really runs off, you are out of pocket by $250. Unfortunately, many employers do not really believe that this is true, and worries about all manner of penalty. Employer education is necessary here.
I have had maids for many, many years. I do not have one now. I daresay that I have learnt many things along the way. I am by no means a model employer – but I have learnt to cope. It is necessary to treat your maids well. If you don’t, the more vulnerable in your family may bear the brunt. Besides, a happy maid makes for a much happier environment.
Julie worked with me for quite a long time. When Julie first came, she was extremely unsure of herself, and very timid. When I employed her, I was already in my forties – so my on the ground training in HR skills to manage my home must have improved. I am going to share what I did. Every household is different – but I think the principles can be applied.
- Define duties – not hours. The total time spent on such chores should be reasonable. Julie had to be made clear what work had to be accomplished weekly. Initially, it was necessary to help her organize her work and prioritise duties. Eventually, she was free to shift chores around to suit her own preferences – such as perhaps she might prefer to iron at night. As long as chores were completed, it did not matter to me if she took an afternoon nap.
- Ensure at least 8 hours of uninterrupted rest in the evening. This is critical as much for your sake as for the maid’s. Especially if she is alone to take care of infants or the elderly in the day, the lack of sleep could result in major accidents or abuse. Occasionally, she might have to wake up, say to accompany the child to the toilet. However, being woken up every two hours or less for feeding or cleaning will cause fatigue and may result in dire consequences. When my children were babies, feeding was my job – and my husband and I would be the ones caring for the infants in the night. It was not easy – but nothing about being new parents is easy. On the odd occasion that the maid had to stay up, we tried to ensure she had time to rest in the day.
- Be a concerned employer, not an autocratic lawman. One of the first things I told Julie was my interest in her welfare. I warned her about maids being cheated. I warned her about the perils of having relationships. I told her that I was not her mother. Even mothers can only teach and advice. Her life was her own. However, if she broke the rules, then her job and her stay in Singapore was at stake. We as employers must understand that we are not prison wardens. We are not policemen. We ARE merely EMPLOYERS.
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Remember the Sabbath. We need space from each other. Julie needed to spend some time with her own people. For me, when the maid is new, I hesitate to let her out alone. Over the years, I have come to know some Filipina maids I trust. In the first few weeks, Julie was allowed out, but only in the company of a maid and friend of mine – Margie. After a while, Julie told me she was not that comfortable with Margie’s church. By then, I knew Julie better, and though I could trust her, I also knew she was too naïve and too fearful to venture out on her own. So I brought her to my church – first to service with me. Eventually, she made friends with the Filipinas, and joined the Filipina service.
Julie opted for two days off a month, if I remember correctly. However, she was allowed to go to church every week. Day off meant she could go out with her friends after church. For us, Sabbath is Sabbath. . Even if she did not go out, she was allowed to do her own thing, and no chores were given. Sometimes we did ask her to cook simple meals, but that was pretty much it. If we had to entertain, she was warned beforehand. She was then allowed to go out or rest on another day of the week. Julie herself was quite a homebody and preferred to stay at home. In so doing, she saved the most money of all the maids in my employ.
I hear the cries of the employers who complain they cannot do without their maids on Sundays. Why? There are the odd occasions when this might be the case – such as if both parents are out of town or there are emergency duties at the office. Special arrangements can be made. This cannot be true every Sunday. All of us need a break from our routine work. If you do not look after your children in the week, because you are at work, then looking after them on Sunday is not your routine work – and should be looked forward to as family time. If they misbehave constantly, then I am afraid you cannot demand the maid to take them away from you – you need to examine your parenting skills. Think too that if the children frustrate you when you handle them once a week, what is the effect on the maid? If If Sunday is your regular work day, then give the maid a day of rest on a weekday
I have had my share of problems with maids. One such was the daughter of my Indonesian maid. She was very young, and without her mother’s knowledge applied to work in Singapore. One day, I heard whispering from my maid’s room. I was shocked to see the young lady in there with In. In told me that her daughter had run away from a family who ill-treated her. Like a fool, I swallowed the story. My family and I went to the household she ran away from. The old lady was Indonesian and was here with a few of her grandsons, who were studying in Singapore. She seemed quite kindly, but still, I thought In’s daughter was telling the truth. I took pity on her because she was so young and persuaded my mother-in-law, who did not really need a maid, to take her in. She was not allowed out, except once a week to my house – to help her mother. Actually it was just to give them an excuse for mother-daughter time.
One night, coming back from a meeting, my mother-in-law called me urgently. The girl had run away with her luggage. I called In, then rushed down to mum’s house. Past midnight, she came back, luggage and all, and tried to get in via the back gate. Apparently, when we kindly allowed her to go to bed by about 8 pm, she would wait till my in-laws were engrossed with the tv or other activities, to sneak out the back door. She had met a Pakistani or Indian, who promised to marry her and run away with her. He stood her up. When we opened her bag, she had stolen from my in-laws. I had missing jewellery too which were never found. This 
girl had no day off – but she managed to get herself into trouble.
We are not able to control what happens to the workers in our midst. They make their choices. Like my friend said, “As for whether the maid gets up to no good when off? Well, she can be up to no good if you leave her alone at home and go out or go to work”. They need to know that their jobs are at stake if they cross certain boundaries. They stand to lose much.
Is legislation of a day off necessary? Do we need the law to force us to treat maids humanely? Are we so moulded by our FINE city that we behave kindly only out of fear? The answer to the last two questions will give the answer to the first.
In fact, if the answ
Had a conversation with a young man… an incredibly intelligent one…regarding reading “The Sandman”. I said that it was a little creepy and I struggle with my conservative Christian values. His reply – its only a comic book.
This is a constant retort. Its only a book, its only a movie, its only a song. Is this really true? Is anything ever only an “Its only a…” The bible did say that what defiles a man is not what he eats, but what comes out of his mouth – for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Does this mean that if we do not give conscious pride of place to things we read, watch or participate in, that these have no impact, no significance on our behaviours or spirituality?
I disagree. Nothing is an “Its only a….”
Years ago, a popular series was Beverly Hills 90210. I seldom watched this but from the few episodes I did catch, it appears to revolve around teenagers and their raging hormones. It made me uncomfortable. Learning to manage sexual urges was deemed as something funny. Years later, Friends became massively popular. Sleeping around was “normal”. Having one night stands, changing partners within one’s closest clique was not only acceptable, it can be hugely funny and heartwarming. I banned the show from my then teenaged kids. To me something as serious as sex is not an appropriate subject of a comedy. It makes sex cheap and permanent, faithful relationships Jurassic. As the public became more tolerant of such shows – since its not erotic – just very witty, more surfaced. American Pie hits the screen, Desperate Housewives, and of course Sex in the City were released. By the way my kids are grown and I do not stop them from watching anything any more. The foundation has been laid, my job is done.
Then there are the magazines. I grew up reading Her World and Female. They were always a great source for fashion ideas, make up and bargains. There were the occasional articles re relationships and break-ups. But generally speaking, the magazines had lots of interesting information, a good no. of adverts and nothing risqué. Now its all different. I no longer read them because probably 80% of the magazine is Advertorial. I can barely get a good, non-commercial article and if the article were there, I cannot find it. Its always stuck between pages and pages of adverts. To make matters worse, many articles talk about sex. Front page will feature the teaser titles – How to have sex with the boss and not let his wife know it” or something like that. Err… I thought that the idea is how not to indulge in such activities that not only brings you emotional angst, but damages lives? Is it only a magazine?
Coming back to what this young man was saying… Its only a comic book… I have not read enough of The Sandman to comment on the content. However, I do not agree that it is only a picture book. For a start, it is popular and therefore is out there influencing minds and perhaps inspiring other would be writers, animators. It will start a trend. Just because most can process the content as just a comic book does not mean that others will not be affected by it. And how our spirits are affected, I do not know. I mean we have heard how computer games can affect the psyche so badly that some have turned violent, while others have become withdrawn from the real world. I just read that AVATAR, the highly acclaimed animated movie has sent many into depression. For crying out loud – even playing an innocent game like Mousehunt have people crying foul over not catching a prize mice or buying the newest Ronza trap. So is it only a….
The subconscious is one area that we often downplay. Marketers know this. Creative writers know this. To say something “is only just a …” can be as foolish as over stating its power. So what will I do? Run from what is obviously wrong – which is sometimes not so obvious any more, and for the rest, acknowledge the possibility of influence and actively screen out the undesirable and retain the good. Can be done? With the power of the Holy Spirit yes, but, being human, very likely I will fail as subsequent actions will reveal. When that happens – its back to asking for the grace of God to redeem and to restore.
Filed under: Rambling | Tags: Ecclesiastes, Michael Jackson, MJ, This is it
Wah did not realise its been such a long time! Was without internet for a long long time and then sort of lost interest in blogging. Anyway here goes my first post in months!
I was watching MJ This Is IT movie yesterday and I was awestruck. This man knew his music. This man knew how to perform. This man was big enough to share his stage. This man was no prima donna. This man had the groove, had the rhythm. This man had amazing talent.
As I watched, apart from total admiration for his genius, I felt a sorrow. This man had so much to give. I could not help thinking of his wasted life. Perhaps true genius comes packaged with eccentricities. But the life he led, surrounded by scandals and accusations how happy could he have been? He showed every insecurity and lack of confidence particularly in the way he looked. I was no MJ fan and usually just gave a cursory glance to whatever news reported. So perhaps its presumptuous of me but to me his life was a sad one. Sure he had all the trappings that wealth could buy. But to what end?
It highlights to me yet again the importance of the spiritual dimension. It reminds me of the book of Ecclesiastes.
10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work,
and this was the reward for all my labor.
11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.
A chasing after the wind. The only stability that is meaningful and eternal is that found in God. I am no holy moly and am struggling, even right now with issues of faith. But MJ and others like him remind me how meaningless life really is if not for eternity.
MJ you were awesome. Your talents and gifts were undeniable. May you leave not just a legacy of music but may your life and struggles leave a reminder of the emptiness of life without God and His Salvation.
Filed under: Concluding Words on AWARE
There once was a lady. She was extremely concerned in what she perceived to be wrong and harmful teaching on sex for early teenagers. She brought her concerns to her family members, to ladies in her religious group. Many were similarly concerned – so they decided to do something about it – they decided to quietly garner more support, via emails, register as members in the relatively small organisation which was promoting this programme, swelling the membership by an extraordinary no, which somehow escaped the notice of the old timers, and voted people who are like-minded in. This writer is not part of this group – she is simply summarising what she gathered from the ground.
Come AGM, and the oldtimers were horrified. There was a coup they say. They were outraged, The group is trying to promote their religious beliefs they say. What is the stand on homosexuality was the first question they asked. Even people from the same religious group – group – not church, were upset. How can we be so high-handed they say? Jesus loved all, they say. We should be tolerant. They forget that Jesus threw out traders from outside the temple – calling them thieves. They forget that Jesus forgave the prostitute, but told her to sin no more. They forget Jesus loves all, but shows no tolerance to sin. This writer is not part of either group.
Then there is the press. They too were vocally upset. Hey, some of these people are our friends. How could they treat our friends this way? I am generalising of course. There began a series of the most biased reports I have read in recent times – this is my opinion – not a statement of fact. After all, it’s religious fanatics trying to promote their beliefs through a secular organisation. I wonder if people understand that when we wish to garner support, we go to people who are like-minded, and part of our social network. How is it surprising that the committee consists of people from the same, very large church? I am not from the press, nor from that church.
Then CSE was challenged. MOE was queried. So MOE spokesman said there was no complaint about the CSE. I am not from MOE. The CSE’s instructor’s manual was posted online.
It was not as neutral or as scientific as it was made out to be. Amongst other things were statements like anal sex can be healthy. Healthy!! Pre-marital sex is neutral. Incidentally, these were taught to minors with whom it is illegal to have sexual intercourse. Parents were outraged – I am part of this group.
In the meantime, the Reds were soundly lambasted for the way they gained support. It is unfair, it is a coup. They sent emails to their friends and parents of their children’s friends. Private emails found their way into the intricate web. The Whites had to defend their post. After all, its double tit for a solitary tat – we need to regain ground. So they wrote passionately, they set up online petitions, they appealed for people to join AWARE and to support their vote of no confidence proposed. There fury, their insults were somehow seen as noble. They are whites after all. They seem to have a right to flaunt private emails on the web. Can you figure that out?
Come EGM – the Reds were jeered when they spoke. The Whites were cheered. It was move over you upstarts – let us take charge. The membership had swollen to an amazing 3000. I wonder how many will stay to make a difference after this.
But one thing I do know. I thank Josie and team for highlighting the CSE. They made the nation AWARE. For that, they have done well. Could they have done it differently? I am not here to judge. They have been crucified enough. For now, let’s move on from being merely aware, to being proactive to protect our children. Let conservative values – the values still held by the majority of Singaporeans regardless of race, language or religion, be upheld.
By the way, stop telling me that the doubtful sections only took 1 ½ min, as compared to half hour of teaching something more wholesome. How much cyanide is needed to kill? Compare this to the water we drink daily. Is there any comparison at all?.
I am not from AWARE, past or present, am not from COOS, am a Christian and a parent. The views here are strictly personal. And i do have gay friends so i am no homophobe. Nor do I ostracise friends who choose to cohabitate instead of getting married. They are adults and God has given us a freedom of choice. Do they know my views – yes – though i do not ram it down their throats. We are friends regardless of our differences.
Filed under: Comprehensive Sexual Education?, Uncategorized | Tags: AWARE, Comprehensive Sexual Education?, CSE, gay, homosexuality. homosexuals, lesbian, lesbianism, sex education
I sometimes go to http://tampinescourt.blogspot.com/ because i am interested in enbloc issues. Incidentally I am pro enbloc – so i do not necessarily agree with the blog writer’s opinions. But here is the beauty of agreeing to disagree – I can read her posts and not get angry. As a mother she has written a piece not about AWARE but about their Comprehensive Sex Education. I applaud her for doing so and I agree with what she has to say. Let me give the link to their CSE programme manual – and I am sure many parents will be concerned if this is taught to children in their early teens.http://voicethread.com/#q.b468061.i2489074
Here are some of my thoughts.
Pg 13
1. Similarly pain can be positive or negative. It becomes positive when their is mutual consent and pleasure.
Err – since when is pleasure a marker of positive activity? So many kids are already cutting themselves. Should they say they feel pleasure while doing so, does that make it all right? Mutual consent makes things all right? Even if the parties are young and may not have thought issues through properly? What sort of criteria is that?
2. The table on page 13 shows some positive, neutral and negative terms. Foreplay for instance is considered positive as is the condom, and the homosexuality is neutral as is the pill. First and foremost, positive for whom, neutral for whom? When you say foreplay is positive, what are you telling these young children? Do they need to know about foreplay at this age? Isn’t it more important to help them understand basic concepts of sexuality? And the condom and pill – how can they be positive or even neutral at this stage? The pill tampers with the hormonal system, and surely it cannot be good for growing girls?
3. Anal sex can be healthy or neutral if practiced with consent and with a condom.
Healthy is not a neutral word. Healthy is good. We all want to be healthy. What are we saying to the kids?
4. People might place pre-marital sex as negative, but it is actually neutral…
So much has been said about Christians being intolerant. But isn’t this manual intolerant of my views as well? How can a trusted trainer be allowed to teach this? I can imagine the tussle and fight between an already hormonal, and possibly tantrumy teenager who has just been taught this and a parent who preaches abstinence – and its not only Chrisitans who do this.
5. Then there is the sex is fun concept. We all want fun don’t we? Why are we teaching kids that sex is fun? What are we telling them about sex? What is the importance of this? Kids are struggling with physical changes, their sense of morality is being challenged daily. Ok – let’s not talk about sex. Watching TV or playing computer games is fun. Do we need to teach them that? Isn’t it more important to teach them self-control?
The list goes on. Read the blog I mentioned and you can see her reaction.
It is strange how when we stand up our views are considered intolerant. How tolerant are the people who wrote this programme over our views?
Derrick wrote a comment under AWARE, BEWARE about his stance. He talked about how even though the new EXCO seemed to have taken helm in a high-handed fashion, he is still applauding for their making known this issue.
To put in a fair word for the new EXCO, if I am concerned about an issue, and passionately so, where do I look for support – from my circle – naturally. So how is it surprising if a few of them come from the same church? It was also the old guard who threw the gauntlet regards their stands re homosexuality. It is not the only thing AWARE does, so why only challenge them on this one stand? They did not say they will not act on behalf of women who suffer abuse did they? Why is it seen as a religious issue? Many voices against the CSE are not coming from the Christian community.
My children are grown, and are sensible. I thank God for them. When they were young, I controlled their tv watching habits. Programmes that promoted premarital sex, multiple sexual partners, adultery, I either did not allow, or I allowed to watch with some guidance. My children did not grow up warped. They were not deprived. Many times, such programmes make sex look so cool, and those who do not participate look so nerdy. That is selling the wrong product. Now that they are grown, I no longer need to exercise this sort of control – the values have been laid down – and it is time for them to take their own decisions. Should they deviate from the paths I have taught them, it will cost me pain. But I will not love them any less. Similarly, I have friends who do not practice what I believe in. I love them nonetheless- but my stand is plain. They accept me for who I am and vice versa. They do not need my approval to do what they do. This is tolerance. I cannot impose my beliefs on them, but that does not mean i do not make my beliefs known.
Also, I want to talk about “genetics” and sexual orientation. Nature has created male and female sexual organs to complement each other – its natural. As for whether there is a gene for homosexuality – well scientists are looking for genes for serial killers, or paedophiles. In fact, the bible says that men have a bent towards sinning. So we all have a sin “gene” if you like. Using genetics to explain homosexuality and tolerance of it does not hold water.
By the way, there is a petition http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/parents_sex_ed_appeal/where we can sign our protest re this education programme. Its really not about AWARE or new EXCO or old – its about what we want our children to learn.
Filed under: Rambling | Tags: AWARE, AWARE Singapore, Church of our Saviour, COOS, Counselling for homosexuals, gay, homosexuality, lesbian, lesbianism
I just came back to Singapore and was unaware of AWARE. I cannot imagine what the fuss is all about. As I read on, it appears that an almost completely new team has taken over positions in the exco. Now, I am not an activist. Nor am I even a member of AWARE. But elections were carried out fair and square. In my book, that’s the democratic way – and if the group is “taken over” then it has been done in an acceptable manner. What coup? Coup is forceful taking over, usually with some military activities. I do not see where coup comes in.
Then as days go by, and I half expected as much, more issues surfaced. The first is that several members of the new EXCO were from the same church – Church of Our Saviour. Then there was accusation of being anti-gay for the new, and pro-gay for the old guards. So apparently it all goes down to this one issue.
First of all, there was an election, right? The new team won? If the old guards had been so concerned, why did they not put in more effort to go for the elections or to support the organisation? Why cry only when you lost?
Second of all, why only focus on women’s sexuality? Christians may not approve of homosexuality, but that does not mean they do not accept gays as people. In fact, COOS ministers with much gentleness to homosexuals and is one of the few churches that care for them in many ways. I am not from COOS.
Third of all, I am very concerned with this fight over this issue. To me, homosexuality is becoming almost hip, almost as a sign that a society has matured. In my years as a student and teacher in all-girls’ schools, I have encountered many teenaged girls thinking they are lesbians because they develop a special liking of another female – be it student or teacher. This seems to be part and parcel of growing up, and maturity. But almost all of my friends did not end up being lesbians. In fact one whom we were sure was gay was one of the first to get married – and happily so. However, if these school children are going to be encouraged in exploring this as a lifestyle, then there is a high chance that they may not get out of this phase and embrace this, not because of a genuine sexual ‘abberation’, but because of propaganda. Its like smoking. How many got into this habit because it appeared cool and mature to do so?
Yes, we need to be aware, we need to beware. If the election of the new exco drew so much fire only because of their assumed Christian beliefs and stance on lesbianism, then I will be very wary of their opponents.
Filed under: Rambling, Uncategorized | Tags: changi airport, customer care, customer care service, overweight baggage
Customer Service and flexibility
Unless we are blind, deaf and completely idiotic, we should know that we are in the midst of a global financial meltdown. In case we do not understand the gravity of this situation, there is retrenchment everywhere, and even SIA has to down some planes. Thus, it really puzzles me why customer service still sucks big time here.
I was at the airport yesterday. My husband was flying off to Rwanda – and as usual it was a scurry to the airport. He travels business class, and flies a lot – unfortunately, due to some bloopers, he was given a different airline this time. But that’s another story. Hence, on this European Airline, he did not have any priority. His return ticket originated from Rwanda, and on his ticket it stated that he had 50kg baggage entitlement. So we used our full entitlement and a bit – cos he was staying there good and long – he works there after all, and needs local produce that is simply not available over there. Imagine our horror when we were told by the customer service officer that his baggage entitlement is only 30 kg, and since he’s not a frequent flyer with them, he is only able to get 5kg more.
Now there are a few things wrong here – first his ticket said 50 kg. They explained that that was the fault of the ticketing agent – and it was because his connecting flight allowed 50kg, not this first flight out to Bangkok. This to me clearly indicates the fault did not lie with the passenger – but a miscommunication with the ticketing agent. If customer care is what it should be, then the company should take issue with the agent, and not with the passenger – unless my eq is so screwed up. The duty manager dutifully checked the ticket and insisted that this leg was only entitled 30 kg, and he could only give us 5 kg more. Errr – who are we kidding? We are gold card frequent flyers on other airlines, meaning we travel a lot. We know that there is discretionary allowances by duty managers. The biggest problem with us was we are not white-skinned. You should see the customer care officer smiling at the whites! Hey – I have nothing against the whites – have many Caucasian friends – it’s the local simpering idiots that get me wild. I traveled this same route but on a different airline – Thai Airways, and I traveled economy. The counter staff was able to give me an increase of 8 kg without even consulting – because I explained I was away on a long trip and needed my things. In the first instance, it was not the mistake of the passenger – the mistake rested with the ticketing agent.
So we had to remove one box, remove quite a few things from the bag. Oh, and the staff almost had a staring match with us too! What a bitch. In the end we were still four kilos overweight, had to pay 44 dollars for this. What a stupid way to antagonize a potential frequent flyer – the champagne on board should be worth more! The moral of this story is – if you have to antagonize a customer during these difficult times, be more savvy. It may cost you far more in the long run. For us, its not the money we had to pay for the extra baggage – but the principle of the matter and the attitude of the staff. Needless to say, if we can help it we will never travel this airline ever again – nor will we recommend it to anyone.
I have always admired Gordon Ramsay. True, he is foul mouthed. But I always take my heart off to this dynamic man. The reason is simple – this man is driven, this man did not allow his unhappy childhood to cripple him.
As an educator, i have come across many children who lack the drive to succeed. For most, a quick check into their family background will reveal some problems within the family – abuse, alcoholism, gambling addiction, divorce… Failures tend to blame their lack of opportunity, their troubled past. Well known people, including high profile Christian leaders, when they fall, seem to use their unhappy childhood as an excuse. For instance Ted Haggard, caught in homosexuality, “confessed” to being sexually abused by a man at age 7, and somehow this incident triggered his actions. I am aware of the psychological trauma such an action can create – and i am not saying that it was a poor excuse. What i am saying is that we are capable of rising from these unfortunate events. We can focus on the future and while acknowledging the past, refuse to allow it to stumble us. We can use the past to teach us lessons for our future. That is why I admire Gordon Ramsay.
So was i disappointed when i heard about his alleged affair with a “professional” mistress? Well – this is the age of decadence. Sex is touted as the ultimate thrill of society, so why should i or anyone be shocked? But the interesting thing is though sex and affairs are such “accepted” norms of society, so many people are still affected by this event. As i plowed through some articles, forum posts, blogs, it is interesting to note that many people do care. They want to see faithfulness in marriage, they want to see wholesome families. Why? Is it not hypocrisy? On the one hand society enjoys shows like “Friends”, “Desperate Housewives” or “Sex in the City” – judging from the ratings. But should they hear of family breakdowns – many cry foul! Many got upset because Gordon Ramsay portrayed a good father and devoted husband image. Never mind whether its a pr ploy or genuine. Why get upset?
God did not create us to be individuals. He created Man, then Woman – that man might not be alone. The original soulmate can be found in the opposite gender – our spouse. Together, man and woman multiply and have a family. The family is the basic foundation of society. Thus for societies to be strong – the foundation must be strong. In their heart of hearts, many people long for a dream family. If they fail to achieve it for themselves, they project their dreams on the celebrities. Hence the crush when things appear to fall apart.
Yet we need to come to the realisation that there are many obstacles against success in the family. We are bombarded by temptations. The media tells us its not wrong to fight for our happiness, regardless of how our dependents might feel. If we don’t get along, lets get divorced. Better why get married? we might get divorced later. If a dishy, willing party comes our way – why say no? Pursue a career – the family can look after itself provided there is enough money for them…. As people we receive conflicting messages all the time. On the one hand, we know and we are judged by how our family life is. On the other hand, everything else tells us otherwise.
We need to go to the only source of unconflicting wisdom – the Word of God. We need to understand the importance of family, not just for our own happiness, but for the good of society. We need to take individual responsibility for ourselves – and quit blaming circumstances for our failures. And when an icon like Gordon Ramsay falls short – rather than brick bats, learn how easy it is to fall – and guard yourself lest you should be next.
Filed under: Rambling | Tags: abc learning centre, childcare, eddy groves, educare, temasek
Gosh – I was horrified to find out that Temasek lost 400 million dollars in their investment in ABC Learning Centre. How could anyone lose so much money on a biz that provides an answer to a need? Then as I read the profile of the CEO behind this biz, my skin crawled.
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,24624050-421,00.html
Some businesses require more than business acumen. Some businesses require moral integrity and values. For childcare, or educare providers, the head honcho has to be a prinicpled and goodly man. How can we ever forget that? how can temasek as an investor not investigate this? … i am speechless!
Temasek – See how beautiful Singapore looks? Lets continue to grow it, wisely!
