While the communion elements were being passed around in church last Sunday, the keyboardist played the song, “It is well with my soul.” Somehow that reminded me of another song, “Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton. Two songs, two tragedies. I could write something about this, I thought to myself. I should call it A Tale of Two Songs.
Eric Clapton wrote the first verse to this hit song after the tragic death of his son, Conor. The four year old boy fell 53 floors to his death. Clapton wrote the first verse of the song, and asked Will Jennings to fill in the rest of the song. The result is a highly emotional, tragic song. There is something to be said about creations that come right from the heart. It is no wonder that this is one of the biggest hits for Eric Clapton. Take a look at the lyrics of the first verse:
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven
Here is the cry of a man who believes that he will never see his son again – it is a tragedy without any glimmer of hope for the future. The weirdest part of it all is that he assumes that his son has gone to heaven – a place which would be out of bounds to him, a place he could never get to. The depth of despair is poignant. The tragedy is not so much in the untimely death, it’s in the total loss of hope.
Contrast this to the story ofChicagolawyer, Horatio G Spafford. In 1870 his only son, then four died of scarlet fever. A year later, Spafford who had invested heavily in real estate along the shores ofLake Michiganfound every one of these properties destroyed by fire. To take a break from these unhappy events, Spafford decided to take his family on a vacation. Just before they could set sail, a last minute business development rendered the trip impossible for Spafford. Unwilling to ruin the family holiday, Spafford put his wife and four daughters onboard, intending to join them later. Nine days later, Spafford received a telegram from his wife, Anna. The telegram read, “Saved alone” Their ship had collided with another and sank in just twelve minutes. Her last memory was that of her baby being torn out of her arms by the violent waters. Anna was saved because of a plank floated under her body as she fell unconscious into the water. Upon gaining consciousness, she was filled with utter despair. It was then she heard a voice – You were saved for a purpose.
Spafford set sail immediately at the news. Upon reaching the spot where the tragedy occurred, the captain called him to the bridge. Spafford then returned to his cabin and wrote the song, “It is well with my soul”
Look at the lyrics
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
His reaction to multiple tragedies was so different from Eric Clapton’s. This is not a judgement of spirituality or religiosity. What strikes me is the importance of hope. As a person, what strengths we have in our inner man is very dependent on what we have been fed, what we have been told is important, what we believe in. For many Singaporeans for instance, we are told again and again the importance of academia and meritocracy. I’d like to see any man come out of a personal tragedy strong just based on academia alone.
As parents, we need to strengthen our children with hope and peace. For the Christian parents, we need to help our children understand the importance of the biblical concept of eternity, the existence of a God who may allow personal tragedies, but will never leave His child to struggle with life alone. As we dig deeper within, His Spirit enables us to walk on, to still find joy and peace from a well that can never dry. This is what distinguishes us from the rest of the world. While tragedies can strike anyone at anytime, hope ensures we have the wherewithal to withstand the storm, the peace to handle the devastation. For us, time does not dull the pain. Time brings us nearer to a time of liberation from all pain.
I was on my way for my regular check-up. I was not feeling confident, to say the least. The last half year had not been easy. I had to change medication, since my body was getting immune to what I had been taking for nearly 3 years. The next drug I was put on gave me bad side effects, and I had mobility issues and horrendous water retention problems. So I had to change meds yet again. The previous drugs had made me put on a lot of weight over the last 6 years. With this latest change, I was losing weight – finally! However, to lose 6kg in 2 months was bound to give my oncologist the jitters. So I was dreading the visit.
At the mrt station, I saw an old couple. They had streaks of white, between grey-looking tufts of hair. The man had on a pair of sunglasses – the very yesterday, two-toned kind. He looked incongruous, in his baggy short-sleeved shirt and trousers that had seen better days. The old lady had on the typical middle-aged style blouse, the kind that my mum used to wear when she hit fifty. Strange how, though I am already 52, I never dreamt of wearing this style of floral print, loose blouse with collar and short sleeves that can be found in almost every store in Chinatown.
Why did I notice them, you ask? Aren’t these typical, especially in mature estates like Potong Pasir? Yes, in appearance they are typical. What made them stand out for me was that they were holding hands.
No, they were not holding hands to give each other walking support. They were walking well enough. They were holding hands and swinging them as they walked, very much the way that good friends do. There was such an aura of care and affection that I stared at them for a while, a smile slowly widening on my face. I wish I had a camera with me, but I knew the lens could not capture what exuded from within. There was an air of comfort, an air of acceptance that this couple shared. It was quite evidently the fruit of a lifetime of being there for each other, whether life served durians, bittergourd or rambutans. This ease that they shared really made my day.
This made me pause and think. Most of us, if we have lived long enough, would have had our share of sorrows, our challenges. Life is not getting easier either. The young couple worry about having a home of their own, the middle manager is constantly anxious about being retrenched and replaced by a cheaper, foreign talent, the less healthy worry about healthcare costs, those approaching 55 wonder if their meager savings will see them through retirement…
We can choose to focus on our troubles, allow them to constantly overwhelm us. We can even try endlessly to help those in need and wonder if we can ever make a difference. We can get frustrated at the government, and lay all our ill-will at their feet. We can choose to be bitter and be consumed by angst.
Or we can choose to balance our life by looking out for situations that bring hope. In the midst of despair, many have risen and overcome, but many of us choose not to see these victories.
For me, this couple represents one such situation. They do not appear to be affluent. The lines on the faces show that their life could not have been easy. Yet, they have made it together. They are still there for each other. They hold hands when younger couples, a few years into marriage, often neglect to do. Perhaps in the middle of their journey together, their differences almost split them up – I have no way of knowing. What is important to me is that they give me hope that marriages can survive, with or without wealth.
On the way home, I complained to my husband that though I could move better, I was so slow, and tire so easily. Then we both saw an old man, shuffling along, cane in hand. He was on his own, and my husband, a tinge of admiration behind the jest, remarked that he must be moving at the speed of 5 cm per minute. Well, we could see his disability – but my husband and I saw his determination.
Success need not mean wealth. Victories are not measured by accolades. These two simple examples illustrate this.
Whenever I was depressed by how tough life was, I used to look out the window of my apartment, and stared at all the windows in the neighbouring apartments. I told myself to shut up, because there were people in worse positions than me. I thought I was clever to have found a way to console myself.
Now however, I have a different approach. I will look at the simple triumphs of everyday people. Then I will tell myself the when the going gets tough, the ordinary person can get going, one step at a time.
While we do not deny the struggles we go through, we need to give ourselves hope. Worrying and rage seldom bear fruit. Hope does. Being thankful is the best way to chase away bitterness. The good book teaches that we do best by filling our minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst, the beautiful, not the ugly, things to praise and not things to curse.
I cannot summarise it better.
Filed under: God Speaks, The Straw that breaks the camel's back, Uncategorized | Tags: forgiveness, forgiveness and God, how to forgive repeatedly, how to handle anger and vengeance, The Straw that breaks the camel's back, why we should forgive
I am sure many have experienced this before. In my case, my experience with a certain person … P for pain…. had given me so much grief. P had subjected me to severe trials. God said to forgive… so I did. Unlike previous P’s, God tested me further. Where I parted ways with most other Ps I continued allowing this last one to have a place in my life. Needless to say there was more pain. God said to forgive, so I did. I dared not disobey. Jesus did say seventy times seven times right?
It did not even need seven times. The last straw came and it was a straw. Compared to the previous transgressions, this last one was minor. But it was as if I have had enough. I was through.
It was so bad that as I reflect on my walk this past year, I saw that it had separated me from my God. Very much like Eve in the garden of Eden, when she recognised her nakedness and shame, and hid, I too was hiding from God. Hmmm perhaps that’s not a good analogy. I was more like Jonah, refusing to preach to Nineveh. I wanted to run away from God because I knew what God wanted and I was not prepared to give it to him or P.
Foolish? Surely so. I am usually Ms Pragmatism. I know that not to forgive causes more harm to me than to P. So what’s holding me back from setting myself free? After all I have been sorely tested so many times in the area of forgiveness. Each time all I needed was to ask for the grace to forgive and it happened. So why am I allowing a straw to break my back, and possible sever my relationship with God? The price to pay to hold on to anger and hurt does not commensurate with the “joy” of bearing a grudge. I mean, who in her right senses want to dwell in bitterness, when we can bask in love, joy and peace?
I cannot understand this. Pastor Derek in one of his sermons mentioned the fact that we have the power to forgive and withhold forgiveness… i just cannot find that passage. It is a familiar passage that has baffled me. Can it be that if i do not forgive, God does not forgive that person too? Could that be the reason some of us hold on to unforgiveness? to ensure that the sinner does not get liberation? I do not understand.
But i do know that Jesus said that we will be forgiven as we forgive. That alone is incentive enough surely, especially when we weigh the length of time on earth with eternity? I do not know about you, but i do not want to spend eternity in damnation because i indulged in my human emotions of vengeance and anger.
So the question remains… why is it that a straw is capable of breaking a camel’s back? Then it dawned on me. A straw will not break a camel’s back if the burdens of the past have been delivered to the destination. And if a straw is seemingly breaking our back could it be that we have not really cleansed ourselves from previous hurts but instead have kept them in our emotional store rooms, only to bring out and carried when a new hurt comes along.
Do i make sense? If so, then the only true liberation is thorough spring cleaning – not only when new year swings by, but constantly. That way, no straw … replace that with trivial matters… can ever break our relationship with God.
Filed under: God Speaks | Tags: cancer, christ as a bridegroom, debbielim, God and healing, healing, in sickness and in health, Jesus, joy of God, leukaemia, marriage, marriage vow, peace, sickness, strength for the terminally ill, support from spouse
If we liken our relationship with Christ as a marriage, then the inevitable line to the marriage vow… in sickness and in health comes to mind. And yet, I know that for myself, and probably for countless others, as a young starry-eyed bride, sickness and suffering was far from my mind.
Isn’t that also true with our relationship with our Lord? While we can expect disappointments from our husbands… for after all, he is but human, we want our divine husband to ensure a life sheltered from sorrow and disease. He is divine after all… and is such a request so unreasonable?
While we need faith and we must understand the importance of rebuking the third party in this marriage.- the ever-tempting devil, the conditions of this fallen world will present road blocks. It is in the face of such roadblocks that, like in our physical marital relationships, our spiritual marriage is sorely tested.
I too once wondered how a good heavenly Father, and a divine Husband, not to mention a perfect Counsellor could allow sickness to befall me, promise me healing, yet I still face the challenges today. I wondered why the people closest to me has betrayed and rejected me countless times. I wondered why the family of God seemed more treacherous than my other- worldly friends. If you guys want answers, I am sorry, I have none.
Our lives are as beautiful as the moth, and as fragile
But as I watch good friends struggle, Daphne you come in mind, as do you Debbie, as I recall how Joyce died with praises on her lips, I begin to understand that this vow we made is applicable to our relationship with our Lord. We believe in healing, yes, but more importantly we thank God for our eternal marriage. We have divine hope yes, but we must understand that hope is most needed in the face or apparent despair. The devil can try to break our marriage with our Lord through sickness, through broken human relationships, through poverty… but he will fail if we allow God to fill us with love, joy and peace despite all the challenges that face us. A tall order? This is where an almighty God through his grace can help us. For people going through challenges, we tend to prescribe to God what the desired solutions are… God make her well, God give her a new job, God save this marriage. I propose that while the above are good and faith building, when friends are facing dire circumstances our prayers should include granting them peace that passes understanding, joy that will bring healing, and love that will conquer all.
I know I need such prayers too.
This song is for all of us, and the spouse in our lives who we need and to whom we are so grateful.
Filed under: God Speaks, pawdles in the jaws of death | Tags: bunnies, bunny, heal, healing, marley and me, pets, responsible pet ownership, still small voice
A Gift of Love
I watched Marley and Me last night. I felt the movie was only passable. However, when the protagonist had to watch Marley being put to sleep, I was reminded of my first pet Pawdles.
Pawdles came to us just before Christmas 2004. He was already intended as a present for my daughter’s best friend. Before Pawdles, I was adamant that no pet would ever be allowed in the house. But Pawdles melted my heart. His picture will tell you why. So when the friend’s mother objected the gift, I opened my home and heart to the little “beast” as my husband would call it.
Pawdles brought us much joy. Every morning, when my domestic helper went upstairs to wake my daughters up, the jingles of his tiny bell can be heard. As soon as the airconditioning is switched off and the door opened, Pawdles would scamper in, and jumped onto Sam’s side of the bed and would lie then in the cool comfort of the quilt. He was superlatively greedy, but picky as well. So whenever I have my fruits, he would jump onto my lap, and waited impatiently for some.
One afternoon, Sarah and her friend Desiree brought Pawdles down for a walk. Pawdles was in a leash, and he was really timid every time he ventured into the open. I suppose he could smell dogs and cats and birds about. At the same time, a neighbour brought two Golden Retrievers for a walk as well. One was in a leash, the other not. After all, she only had one free hand – the other was holding a cigarette. I was walking behind them, when suddenly the free Golden Retriever bounded towards me. It was a friendly dog which meant no harm – but he was humongous. Immediately I shouted to my daughter to carry Pawdles. But it was too late. The dog saw the hapless bunny and made a dash for it. Because Pawdles was on a leash, there was no way Pawdles could run away on time. Before we knew it, the dog had my poor bunny in its jaws. It was only then that the owner managed to get the dog’s attention, and we could retrieve the poor bunny, still wet from the dog’s saliva, and shivering.
Almost crying from fury, we ignored the neighbour’s apologies and went up to give Pawdles a good cleaning and to examine him for injuries. Amazingly, he was not injured. Rabbits are very timid creatures, and they often can die just from fright – so we had to monitor it in case that happened. I was furious. But somehow, during that time, a still small voice spoke to me. What appeared to be the jaws of death may really be harmless. And in as much as you love your pet, I love you much more, and will rescue you. I wept. I knew He was talking about my health challenges and His assurance of safety and healing.
Yes God speaks in so many ways. If only we will listen.
Filed under: God Speaks | Tags: 1 john 3, children of God, forgive, forgiveness, Love
Forgiveness and Loving your brother
1 John 3 : 4-11
Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness and sin is lawlessness. You know that He appeared in order to take away sins; and in Him there is no sin. No one who abides in Him sins,; no one who sins has seen Him or knows Him. Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous just as He is righteous, the one who practices sin is of the devil. No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him, and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother. For this is the message which have hard from t he beginning, that we should love one another.
Pastor Antoine’s message the Sunday past really hit home. Here was someone who suffered greatly thanks to the horrific past in Rwanda. He rightly pointed out the only way to forgive is to look at the cross, and not at your enemy. Last week’s bible study was on 1 John 3. In it we explored how we are children of God, with responsibilities. Persistence in sin would be a mark of being children of the devil. Boy – another arrow hitting the target. Then the clincher – at least for me – a sign of being a child of God – to love your brother.
I have been tested in the area of forgiveness so many times. Every time I pass one test, and feel quite good about myself, another comes. This time I really feel like not forgiving at all. It’s like I have been stabbed once too often. Yet, forgiveness is not a choice is it? It’s a command, a condition. Beyond forgiveness, you are to love. I try to wrangle out of this by reminding God that if the person persists in the sin, then by definition, maybe – just maybe, this person is no longer my brother or sister. Err – does that mean I am not obligated to love? Forgive I must, but to love?
I do realise that I am splitting hairs here, and basically I have a great reluctance to move on. I guess I have been too deeply hurt this time around. I just want to nurse my wound. Which is silly isn’t it?
By forgiving, I receive healing – why want to nurse a wound when I can get it all healed?
Loving is not an emotional thing that the world has deceived us into believing. Loving is about wanting the salvation, the welfare of another person. So while I am upset, I certainly do not wish eternal damnation for the other party – no one can wish that on another. I shall start there – not wishing ill. Perhaps then I can move on to wishing the person well.
I have not arrived, but I am trying. I need to remind myself that whatever anguish I suffer, whatever wrongs I have received, all this is temporal. I need to remember not to throw away eternity for something so transient.
So different, yet living in harmony
This photo is chosen to remind me only God can put contrasting colours and textures and create a beautiful whole. I have to remember that when I deal with those He sent my way.
Filed under: Do not tire of doing good | Tags: doing good, encourage, encouragement, heal, healing to the bones, pleasant words, ps 33, Word of God
A friend went to her small group meeting last night, and when the following verses were read out, she thought of me.
Ps 33:16:22
Filed under: God Speaks, streams in the desert | Tags: anxiety, bones, devotional, good news, healing, health, joy, mrs charles cowman, streams in the desert, troubles
Proverbs 15
30 A cheerful look brings joy to the heart,
and good news gives health to the bones.
Nothing has encouraged me more than this classic devotional by Mrs Charles Cowman. When I was first diagnosed with bone metastasis in 2005, this devotional gripped me. Mrs Charles Cowman was not unacquainted with grief and despair. Yet out of her struggles, she understood what a believer’s hope rests in – our Lord.
As I continue to believe in the Lord for healing, especially in the area of my bones, I did a quick search in the bible. Proverbs 15:30 is one of a few that points out how a healing in the bones can come about – Good News. And what better news than the Word of God. Sometimes we need a veteran, a pilgrim who has walked before us to guide our way. I find Mrs Charles Cowman one such pilgrim – and her devotional an invaluable tool to help me focus on the good news, on the Healer, on our Creator. Let me just give you an abbreviated sample of her devotional:
Streams - but not quite in the desert!
The Captive by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
“As I was among the captives by the river of Chebar, the heavens were opened and I saw visions of God . . . and the hand of the Lord was there upon me” (Ezek. 1:1,3).
…
If we are to receive benefit from our captivity we must accept the situation and turn it to the best possible account. Fretting over that from which we have been removed or which has been taken away from us, will not make things better, but it will prevent us from improving those which remain. The bond is only tightened by our stretching it to the uttermost.
The impatient horse which will not quietly endure his halter only strangles himself in his stall. The high-mettled animal that is restive in the yoke only galls his shoulders; and every one will understand the difference between the restless starling of which Sterne has written, breaking its wings against the bars of the cage, and crying, “I can’t get out, I can’t get out,” and the docile canary that sits upon its perch and sings as if it would outrival the lark soaring to heaven’s gate.
No calamity can be to us an unmixed evil if we carry it in direct and fervent prayer to God, for even as one in taking shelter from the rain beneath a tree may find on its branches fruit which he looked not for, so we in fleeing for refuge beneath the shadow of God’s wing, will always find more in God than we had seen or known before.
It is thus through our trials and afflictions that God gives us fresh revelations of Himself; and the Jabbok ford leads to Peniel, where, as the result of our wrestling, we “see God face to face,” and our lives are preserved. Take this to thyself, O captive, and He will give thee “songs in the night,” and turn for thee “the shadow of death into the morning.” –William Taylor
“Submission to the divine will is the softest pillow on which to recline.”
….
Filed under: God Speaks | Tags: faith, God Speaks, heal, healing, hearing God, hope, life, promises of God
refreshing hope
The key difference between those who believe in an almighty God and those who do not is hope. For me, not only does my God fill me with hope, but He speaks to me in so many different ways. Like when i was pondering over my health challenges, and trying to remind myself of how God promised me healing by faith, I glanced at a lady seated next to my husband on the MRT. On her lap was a book, much of which was covered. However, the bottom left corner could be seen, and only two words were visible- By Faith.
Anyway, even as i was doing my regular bible reading yesterday, another verse jumped at me
Ps 119:116
Sustain me according to Your word, that I may live; And do not let me be ashamed of my hope.
God really gives us a word in season – if only we will take time out to hear Him.
